Ultrasound #2

This past Monday, J² and I went to our second ultrasound. Now most people are usually thrilled to get to see their baby. And we are no different, but for us there existed a slight apprehension. We don’t have the best track record for ultrasound. Too many times we have been dealt the blow of bad news. Not this time! With a room full of the doctor, nurses, and a phlebotomist, we got this little gem:

Isn’t that just the most beautiful sound? I want more than anything to hear that sound when I’m holding her in my arms.

On Wednesday, I had my first(again) OB appointment. So I had another ultrasound. I always seem to hold my breath until I can see that heartbeat. So at 8 weeks, here’s our little girl:

The mind-melting dichotomy between joy and worry makes me wonder if I’ll be sane at the end.

It looks like I will continue taking the Estradiol and Progesterone until 10 weeks. I will use Lovenox until about 36ish weeks then switch to Heparin. I’ve also discussed with my OB about putting in a cerclage (more on that later).

For now, I have to wait o month before my next appointment. I may lose my mind.

FET Update #2

Houston, we have a positive! 

On November 27, I went in for my beta. Which is just your first HCG test. After the longest hours of my life, seriously, it felt longer than the two week wait. 

The nurse finally called and told us that my HCG level was 775 mlU/ml. This is a really good number for 14dp5dt (or 14 days past 5 day transfer). I’m officially pregnant! My stomach had to untie itself. This is a step in the right direction. I am in a bit of disbelief that it worked the first time for us. Not every woman is so lucky.

We then set up a time for my first ultrasound. And that’s why I’m writing this later than I would have. Because I wanted to make sure things looked alright before sharing. We went in on December 7. Which put me at 6 weeks and 1 day. Guess what? Measuring in the correct range was our little girl.

This is what an early scan looks like.

Our little girl.

Can’t see much, huh? First off, she is at the top of my uterus, which means not as clear picture. And second, it’s too early to see much. Sometimes, you might see a little more, but I think the position makes it difficult. You know what else we saw? The tiniest flicker of a heartbeat. Again, still too early to hear it, but there it was. Our little girl’s heart.

A convergence of science and nature. I’m in awe of both. And, yes, in love with the result that has barely come to fruition.

Truth be told, we have a long way to go. I’ve been here before and know nothing is set in stone. We have my second ultrasound in about a week. Crossing my fingers that things continue to go well. It’s as if I’m on a teeter totter that falls between excitement and anxiousness. I am haunted by the past losses to ever be secure in the hopefulness of any pregnancy. No matter how happy I am, that cloud follows me like a pet.

I’ll continue taking the estrogen and using the progesterone. Oh, and also Metformin and Lovanox.  I’ll also be content in experiencing all the nausea, tiredness, and sore boobs.