Almost dying Part 1

In the midst, and slightly because of fertility treatments I was dealt a huge setback in May 2016. J² and I were restarting our baby-making attempts after our most recent loss in November 2015. We returned to the clinic and were planning on doing another IUI, or Intrauterine insemination.

Quick side note: I will use many abbreviations relating to the infertility community throughout this blog. I plan on putting up a chart that will break these down.

Well, as my luck would have it, my body refused to follow the plan. My cycle wasn’t being consistent and then in mid-March the nurse found a cyst on my ovarian. If you are unaware, an ovarian cyst is a fluid-filled sac. Cysts are resolved in four main ways: by absorbing into the body naturally, with the help of birth control, rupturing painfully, or surgery. They told me to wait a couple weeks to see if it would disappear. Near the end of March I had another scan. The damn thing was still there. This wouldn’t be the last time I felt like screaming during the year. So, my doctor prescribed birth control. It’s very common and usually a fine treatment. I would take the pill for roughly six weeks.

In the interim, J² had a conference in San Diego at the beginning of April and I decided to tag along. The first half of the week I hung out in a hotel room in La Jolla. As an introvert, I do enjoy my alone time and am very skilled at keeping myself entertained. I alternated my time between my peaceful hotel room and exploring the surrounding areas. For the second half, after the conference concluded, we stayed in a condo in Oceanside near to the beach. J² and I did plenty of beach strolling. I can walk for hours on the beach. The sand softly hugging my feet as the water sinks them deeper. We also went to an Angels game and a whale watching tour. A much needed getaway. I know I have digressed a bit here, but 2016 was rough and this was a really happy time.

The remaining four weeks were uneventful besides feeling excessively tired. While seemingly unrelated at the time, about a week before my six weeks were up, I felt as if I had a strained muscle in my right calf. This was odd since I hadn’t done anything in particular that would cause this. On the first Sunday in May, I noticed when I would climb the stairs I felt slightly winded and my heart felt like it was racing. Not extreme enough to be alarmed, but definitely enough be puzzled. Perhaps, I was getting sick. On Monday, I felt similar sensations when I walked up the stairs at work. How worried should I be?

After leaving work, J², his parents, and I headed out to run a couple errands. We also grabbed lunch. Every time I was out walking, I still felt….something. Something was off, but I couldn’t really described it without sounding a little weird. Finally, on our way home, J² and I stopped by a local pond. I mentioned I how I was feeling. AS we returned to the car the trail has a slight inclined before it reaches the parking lot. Seriously, it wasn’t that steep. No problem, right? Ha! By the time I reached the car, my heart was pounding and felt like it was in my throat. I couldn’t catch my breath and my head was spinning. J² noticed I didn’t look right. I leaned against the car and……..I was looking up at J² while laying on the ground. I had passed out for a few seconds. We got me into the car and headed to Instacare. The doctor did an assessment; my bpm was high and oxygen levels were low. She then did a few tests to eliminate a panic attack or a heart attack. A heart attack? At 34? Oh please, no. I almost felt embarrassed. But, it wasn’t that. The doctor was concerned about one more thing, but unable to test at the clinic. So we were sent to the ER. And we sat there and waited for a bit. Finally, back in the exam room, on oxygen, the ER doctor wanted to do a CT scan.

The results? I had bilateral pulmonary embolisms. Translation: blood clots in my lungs. A large clot was in my right pulmonary artery and several small clots were in my left lung. I was admitted and immediately given a strong blood thinner. The next day, an ultrasound revealed another blood clot through my whole right leg. I was asked if I had any pain or swelling in my legs. The only answer I had was that pulled muscle feeling. I spent two days in the hospital. The doctor switched my medication to Xarelto and I was put on oxygen at home. Nose tubes for the win. And the recovery process begins. 

Nothing like playing doorbell ditch with death.

Since this post has been long, I am going to split it in two. I have some heavy thoughts and feelings that I don’t want to get lost in this part of the story.